Rebecca Black's Friday: Stupidest Song Ever Recorded?

Before I start my trashing on this song, please watch the MV below, in case you haven't heard of it, and sing along with the lyric. By this, you'll roughly know what is the ensuing content of this post:

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah


7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend


7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?


It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday


Okay, done singing? Has it ever occurred to you that you have to stop and laugh for a moment on how silly was the song you sung along?  Are you thinking does the kid old enough to have a driving license? Are any of them is even above age 15? Where did they learn their dance moves? Above all, it pops a dull conundrum that we may have been through in our lives: what seat can we take? Anyway, have you click "dislike" in youtube?

This song is an instant YouTube hit when it was uploaded on March 11, 2011 and the view count jumped from 3000 to 33 million+ views as of now. I firmly believe that the soar in the viewing counts isn't because people are looking for a song that is soothe in the ears, but mainly because they're there to click on "dislike" button and voicing out how awful they felt over this song. Major causes of hating this song are:


1. The lyric is plain stupid, repetitive and un-poetic. You may think it's a joke video at first, but then I realized it was serious when it is currently positioned at 19 on iTune sales chart. Most of the buzz surrounds the content of the song,  it talks about the important issues in life. Like, busy mornings, which seat should I sit in, and what are we going  to do this weekend? Sorry, I was just being sarcastic. It's a silly song that blandly detailing a 13-year-old high school student's monotonous daily routine and her desire of "wanna have fun". Let's do some dissection on this song and extract out the stupidity:


The song begins with Rebecca (acronym - RB) waking up at 7am, trying to be fresh, going to eat cereal like any typical day, she must be feel very bored with it as indicated by "Seein’ everything, the time is goin’".  After finishing her breakfast, she marches down the street to wait for the bus. From here, we can interpret the lyric in two ways: she's either on hallucination or it does happen in reality. As the next scene jumps to a group of teens arriving in a Benz, so, we can presume RB is having a fantasy scenario at the bus stop or... there's really a bunch of rich spoil kids coming to fetch her. Then, the notorious chorus kicks in:


Kickin' in the front seat,

Sittin' in the back seat,

Gotta make my mind up -

Which seat can I take?

Refer to the MV, there's actually only one seat reserved for her. So what's the bother of choosing which seat to take? If interpreting metaphorically (take the school bus and go to school/go party with my friends), from the way of the dork waving at 0:37, obviously RB has already made up her mind by going to par-tay.


Then it's friday & partying, bla bla bla, second verse commences with:


7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun


We're not sure whether it is fast forward 45 minutes after 7am or 12 hours later, nevertheless, why RB would want the time fly since she's having some fun (Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly), then, who are the rest of the dudes & dudettes in the car?? (My friend is by my right, she acknowledges only one friend)

Par-tay-ing with friends and strangers

Her only friend in the car, Benni Cinkle

Why wishing the time flies when the time is fun?

Going through half of the song, we can still hear that she hasn't made up her mind of choosing which seat (recall: Kickin’ in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat, Gotta make my mind up, Which seat can I take?). Near the end of the song, we hear some nonsensical rap that goes:

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all


Apparently, we have a case of a pedophile stalking a 13-year-old girl and a case of dangerous driving that may cause casualties (I’m drivin’, cruisin’ Yeah, yeah, Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes). On the other hand, RB was seen, from pedophile's POV, she may suffer some sort of hyperactivity as she's seen chilling in front seat and the back seat in which case may be charged of not buckling up the seatbelt, a traffic offense in Malaysia.

Why a bus ‘makes tick-tock’ is therefore beyond analysis, why the rapper wants to scream is ambiguous (perhaps at the quality of his lyrics), and why the time is being conflated with the date is incomprehensible. The song returns to Rebecca herself and ends with repetitions that it’s Friday, there’s partying, there’s fun, and there’s many ‘yeahs’ and ‘woo-s’.

The thing about that song is that it's actually performed and written by 12-year-olds, of course it's insanely stupid. With "Friday", it's written and produced by professionals. That's what's so sad about the whole thing. Thanks RB for reminding me that every Friday, I always stuck in the horrible traffic jam . LOOK WHAT FUN I'VE BEEN MISSING ON.

In short, this stupid song boils down to this:

2. Autotune all the way. In short, autotune is a software that allow singers to sing without the need to be accurate. It's a Photoshop for singing. You don't need skill or talents to sing. The computer will take care everything. To my dismay, the whole track is being done by using autotune. RB could have just hum into a mic and everything's being taken care by the sound engineer. BUT, what is so wrong is that Friday sounded like "Fry-ee-day" or worse, "Fry-Egg". Clearly, the autotune requires some sort of an update. Still, she's lucky to have a shortcut to kick start her singing career. Very unfair to many of those talented (and untalented) still struggling to earn a piece of music market share.

By criticizing this piece of rubbish, I'm like being my own parent without knowing it. Maybe I'm getting too old.  But to me, this is a song where "baby baby" or "sorry sorry" can be swap by "fry-day fry-day". There's no creativity worth mentioning. This is a song popular for all wrong reasons. This is the quality of the contemporary songs for younger listeners who growing up with Justin Bieber. Alas.

Stupidometer: 8/10 (should get a full, but, due to its ability to generate comedic value and thus having a successful viral campaign, it does not deserve a 10. It even inspires me to have a new business plan: Create a studio --> Get a bunch of teenage girls, make songs and music videos, upload said music videos to YouTube no matter how bad they are --> People make fun of terrible video sending it "viral" --> Join in on mocking --> ??? --> Profit.)

An Idiot's Guide of Jump Starting a Car

You’re walking out of your apartment and notice a good looking girl with the hood of her car open, looking at the engine with desperation. You go over and ask what’s wrong. You go inside her car and try to ignite but to no avail, the engine is hardly cranking, electronics are not working, yeap, the car battery is dead for good. She’s late for work and wondering whether if you can give her jump. You look down at the ground, kick some sand, and offer to call MAA instead.


You have no clue how to jump start a car. Wimp.

Would you disappoint this hot damsel for not knowing how to jump starting her car?

Luckily, I haven't been in such situation before, but I have my fair share of experience of looking like an idiot for not knowing how to jump starting a car, worse, it happened last week at a parking site, I was standing in the rain, have no spare jumping cables and Malaysians are well known for not offering help to stranger, I was looking hopelessly and waiting for help from my friends. This experience sucks. I believe there are other people who have no idea of jump starting a car. So I'll dedicate this post as my 1st ever idiot's guide to jump starting a car.

RIP (22/12/2009 - 19/3/2011): GP N60L

First of all, always carry a jumper cable and keep it in your trunk. You'll never know when it will come in handy.

Don't be this guy

2. Call any of your friends who has a car with functioning battery. You need a living (good) battery to pass the juice to your dead battery. You can also try your luck by asking any car owners that park around you. With typical Malaysian's attitude, they may give u a cold shoulder.

3. Once your friend's car's arrived, have his car park near to your car, ideally, his car hood facing yours. 

4. With both cars turned off, open both car hoods and look for the battery. A typical car battery will show the poles of the battery i.e. positive (+) sign or negative (-) sign. If it isn't indicated by signs (don't buy this brand of battery anymore), look for colours. By norms, red indicates (+) and black (-). I don't know what to say if you're a color blind.

5. FOLLOW THIS SEQUENCE PROPERLY. Connect one end of the red (+) cable from the red pole of the good battery to the red pole of the dead battery.

6. Connect one end of the black (-) jumper cable to the negative terminal of the good battery. Now, you might be tempted to connect the black cable to the another end of the black pole (-) of the battery (like what you did for red ones). Please don't. You have to connect the cable to any metal surface of the car (as long it doesn't touch the black pole of battery). This metal surface functions as a "ground" to complete the circuit. Unless you wanna see sparks that may burn your eyes or a possible explosion, please connect to the black post of the dead battery as a last resort. Once you complete the circuit, you may or may not see a small spark.

7. Start your friend's car (good battery) for about 5 minutes. Then, start your car's engine. If it can be ignited, congratulations!

8. Take out the jumper cables in REVERSE ORDER i.e. from the black "ground" end to the cable end at red pole of your friend's car.

9. Keep the jumped car running for around 15 minutes to give the battery sufficient time to recharge itself.

That's it. Fucking simple. The only trick is to remember the sequence of connecting cables. Doing it wrong may give you a jump instead of the car as the mild electrocution may exist. Just remember the mnemonic, red=blood=life=positive/black=death=negative.

After your engine is started, you may try to off the engine again and restart to see whether the battery can still be used. If not, repeat the whole process; If you're not in the mood to do the checking, don't ever switch off the engine after your successful jump starting, bring your car to the nearest workshop to check the battery or drive straight back to your home if your battery was dead at night.

Alternatively,

I used to help a friend jump starting his car years ago by using labouring method >.<. This could be performed when you really don't have jumper cable and the car is using manual transmission. Why call it labouring method? Here's why:

1. Find a stretch of clear downhill road or open space.

2. Fully depress the clutch and put the car in first gear.

3. Turn the ignition to on.

4. Take your foot off the brake and start rolling down the hill, leaving the clutch fully depressed.

5. Coast down the hill until you reach 10 km/hr.

6. Release the clutch quickly. You should feel the engine turn and start. If it doesn’t start the first time, depress the clutch and release it again.

7. If you don’t have a hill, get some of your buddies to give you a push and follow the steps above.

Like I said, you need your bros or sis to provide pushing forces. Also, you need a big open space or a downhill to do so. It also kinda tricky to get the engine started. So, like I said, always get a jumper cable ready.

Tips:

1. If possible, do reverse parking especially at places like parking lot of a shopping mall. I just scare that if your car is parked facing the wall, there may be a tough time to connect the cables from living battery of a random car to yours. 

2. Don't buy cheap jumper cable i.e. those that cost only RM20+ from supermarket like Carrefour. My friend's dead battery was unable to get any battery juice by using cheap cable as the copper wire is too thin to pump sufficient juice to his car. The thicker the cable, the better. Look for those that cost around RM40, an automobile hardware seller may recommend a good ones. No need to buy those that cost RM100+ as these are for jump starting lorries or buses.

3. Avoid jump starting a corroded car battery as it may cause explosion also. If situation doesn't permit, clean the corrosion first before you connect the cable.

Twats of the week (13-19 Mac 2011)

A week after the onerous earthquake & nuclear meltdown crisis at Japan, I'm still seeing people who used this event as a source of humour and they think the audience may find it funny. No, the public found you guys retarded and watching you guys trying to joke are like watching Arnold Schwarzenegger trying his best to act funny in Kindergarten Cop. So flat the jokes are like my mom's ironing board. 


Hence, for committing the crime of boring people till our facial muscles sagging as long as Sarah Jessica Parker's,  these unfunny chaps have made my inaugural list of the twats for the week (13-19 Mac 2011):


1. Again, some stupid chinese youth with false sense of patriotism, evidence of mental retardation:

However, not all chinese youth got their brains dumbed down by industrial polluted stinky tofu, I still managed to find some from China with conscience:

2. Salt hoarders. Idiots who made up of the demographic are mainly Chinese (PRC & HK) and some Americans. These retards believe that increase intake of iodized salt could serve as antidote to exposure of radiation. Another reason for the panic is the rumor that nuclear radiation has leaked into the sea compromising the safety of salt taken from the water in the future. Little they do know is that the negative consequences of high intake of salt -- high blood pressure and cardiovascular diseases such as Left Ventricular Hypertrophy, increasing the workload of kidneys and developing kidney stones, things that make you pee blood in toilet. Panic can really cause people go bonker and believing every SMS/tweet/facebook wall post they read without checking the veracity of rumours spread.  

3. 50 cent. Never expect to hear anything intelligent from a lame rapper. But his tweet trumped his previous retard exploits:

4. Mohd Zohri Sukimi (aka Zoy) with his antic featuring an Ultraman running away from Tsunami. Any humour? Nope, I see a dead career of a cartoonist. What baffled me even more was how did the group editor of Berita Harian, Datuk Mior Kamarul Shahid himself did not see that this will create a very bad PR image to his press? So, from Berita Harian, we have two journalist retards bringing the news to Malaysia. We're pretty dumb as a nation already, stop feeding us with stupid columns and news.

5. I don't know who Gilbert Gottfried is. He got himself losing a job for his untimely jokes on the event. 

Honorable Mention:

Me, for frying my motherboard's network adapter when I was downloading files during heavy storm, and I also got my car battery wasted for leaving the spotlights switched on for 4 hours. NEVER EVER LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER WHEN THE HEAVEN IS CLAPPING AND FLASHING AND CHECK FOR SPOTLIGHTS WHENEVER THE CAR IS PARKED.

Average stupidometer for saps mentioned above: 10/10 (equivalent to IQ of I Am Sam)

When confronting stupidity of twats above...

The quake that shook Japan and the world

Yesterday, an earthquake of magnitude 8.9 tremor off the coast of Japan. It was not a typical earthquake that a Japanese would feel "another day, another earthquake". It was the most serious earthquake occurred in Japan since 1923 and it shook the hearts of all minds all around the world. I stood horrified in front of the TV by the scale of the damage & loss of the event. To compound my grievances, there was another earthquake erstwhile in Yunnan province of China, which have taken multiple lives and hundreds of thousands are forced evacuate. The people in Japan are in my thoughts today and as well as those who may be affected by the ensuing tidal waves. It was a very bad day and the tragedy is far from over as there is fear of nuclear meltdown amidst the rescue mission and evacuation.


This tragedy puts all the little grievances we complain about in our daily lives in perspective. Mother nature has shown us, from time to time, how small we are and how quickly it can all be taken away.

                                The Lord giveth and taketh away


I was thinking, two earthquakes occurred in a day at different places. But it seems obvious that Japan's unfortunate event caught way more attention from the world than the one which also affected the lives of thousands of Chinese? Is it simply because the scale of the event in China isn't up to the par like in Japan? Dude, both are natural disasters that may took lives! Yeah, there was Tsunami swarming the coast of Honshu, potential nuclear meltdown, something like you are rewatching 2012, but the victims in China also need to be treated with the same PR attention too. Why there was such a PR bias? I hope I'll write about this topic in near distant future.


Also, I was also shocked by many insensitive individuals who showed no empathy and how ugly & juvenile their corrupted minds can be. Look at what I saw when I was finding for latest updates of the quake:

I got this stingy sensation in both my eyes and my brain when I read those callous and cold-hearted comments on the news channel of PPTV. You don't need to guess where are those legion of foolish Nationalists are from. I am awed by these, so called  中国愤青's (angry Chinese teen), of how the pride of ethnic nationalism and ugly sentiment of historical burden that is carried for more than 6 decades can overcome the humane side of compassion toward people's suffering. I bet they are the same fellows who play Playstation 3, still dreaming on driving his first Honda/Toyota, oogling and wanking over Japanese AV idol, and having Sora Aoi appearing in their wet dreams. There is no way to dissuade these people to forgo their 6-decade of hate and animosity. Therefore, to these 中国愤青, please put your angst aside, stop flaming hatred and --

Stupidometer of 中国愤青: 10/10

Cafe Vienna at KLCC: A review on a coffee with a stupid name

When I first started this blog, writing or reviewing about food wasn't part of the design at all, until last Sunday, when I was having a tea break at Cafe Vienna of KLCC with my friends, some "Germanic" word in Cafe Vienna's menu caught my eye and made me chuckled on it. That word is:

                                               WIENER


Yeap, "WIENER". It is German for Viennese. It is also a type of German sausage. But, it is more widely known as a US slang term for...ehem... wee wee. Oh, if it's too small for you to see

Bigger Wiener

Plentiful of wieners...

It rhymes with winner

See where the finger is pointing? Yeap, wiener, W-I-E-N-E-R. My friends were wondering what the heck I was laughing about, and I showed them that wiener, sorry girls, I knew that was pretty lewd. But it was the name given by Cafe Vienna, "Wiener Eiskaffee", in layman's term, it's a wiener on ice. I immediately knew what coffee I was going to order and the moment it arrived, it really came as its name was:

                                 Dum dum dum dum dum! Wiener Eiskafee


Just kidding, this is the actual depiction of "Wiener Eiskafee":

Ok, here's my virgin review on coffee i.e. wiener... sorry, Viennese Ice Coffee. At 1st dip (from the bottom), it tasted so bland, in fact, it tasted almost like Nescafe from some kopitiam diluted with ice. I didn't really smell any coffee aroma nor any coffee taste would left on your taste buds after I took the 1st sip. It didn't feel bitter at all! That is why I NEVER LIKE any iced coffee. I prefer the traditional way of drinking coffee i.e. drinking it hot! That is what coffee suppose to mean, hot and stimulating! Furthermore, most often the cafe would cut the cost of making iced coffee by using little volume of coffee while filling it till full with ice cubes, basically, it's just like drinking cheap Teh-O ice with an artic pole on top of it, made by some cheapskate kopitiam. My friend suggested me to stir and blend the cream that came with it into the coffee, she said that should be the proper way to drink "Eisekafe". Yeah, I did, but the taste didn't even improve by margin. It still entered my mouth with the Teh-O ice feel...and with a bit of cream. Combined with a stupid name "wiener", it really left a bad mark in my heart. However, the coffee my friends ordered were tasted "okay", according to them. And what they've ordered have a better sounding and classy names i.e. Kaffee espresso and Mozart kaffee Here's what they ordered:

Lame coffee aside. Let's talk about the cafe's interior, decor and stuff my friends ordered. One notable design of the cafe was their ceiling. The ceiling was painted in the style of a classical fresco that you'd have seen in an old church in Italy, except Cafe Vienna's is rather more inane. But hey, we're not visiting Sistine Chapel, we're just wanna have a coffee break. Nontheless, it was a pretty unique feature that made our "yam-cha" session akin to a classy English afternoon tea break.

                                         Nothing epic like Creation of Adam. But it's pretty good for a coffee shop

Both of the chocolate cake and cheese cake my friends ordered tasted pretty good. They were pretty much on par with Secret Recipe's. Chocolate cake should taste like choco rich while cheese cake should have thick cheesy feel in it. By that, the cakes were the saving grace of Cafe Vienna, but it ain't cheap though.

                        Too bad they didn't make their coffee as good as their cakes.


Stupidometer for my coffee: 7/10 (The owner might be oblivious of what wiener could mean, maybe he wasn't that into US culture, nevertheless, the bad coffee really deserved a bad name). There, hope my 1st food review didn't scare people off and with article like this, I don't think anybody would ever invite me for free food review to avoid me "chak-jiew-pai". What's the english word equivalent to "chak-jiew-pai"? Here:

                                             Chak-jiew-pai


More on wiener:

                                 What I meant by German sausage (Oscar Mayer's wiener)

                                          Suck on my "wiener"


==================================================
For those who wanna try out wiener eiskafe and proving me wrong, here's the contact:


Lot 305 & K31, 3rd Floor, Suria KLCC

There are other branches with alcoholic served, nope, not your place to have coffee break, more like places for swing party~

Stupid Question: How to overcome shyness?

Dear Kitty:


I can't believe I'm seeking for advice here at which there's no whatsoever visitor traffic. But that's a good thing, I'm here because I have a problem. I know this is stupid. I-AM-SHY especially with GIRLS. Yeah, go ahead and laugh at me, but hope the advice I've got would be worth while. Here goes:


There's a cute girl whom I work together in my lab. We work kinda close. She's a microbiologist researcher whereas I'm doing genetic research. Ever since I started working at here, she has showed signs of being interested in me like trading glance and giving me a warm smile when we meet. But I always shrug her off. I mean, I would trade glances back, but I'm way too shy to initiate a conversation. Day by day I've grown feelings for her, yet I haven't even had a cool chat with her that last more than 3 minutes. We've just traded "hello".


I think she got some interest in me. I mean, when she sees me, she would look straight to my eyes and say "hi". Occasionally, she would ask me whether I'm going to stay late for OT, my face would turn red and answering "yes" with tone like a newborn kitten. When she needs help in the lab, she often turn to me and seek for assistance.


Anyway, she seems really trying to get my attention. But I'm just too shy that I can't do anything. I'm 24 and I've never had a relationship for that matter. I have this very bad social anxiety. She's attractive and I think there are a lots of guys pursuing her. I would like to ask her out, maybe for a lunch? But I'm afraid she'd find out what a loser I am once we hang out.


I hate my shyness. I wish it go away. What should I do?


Embarrassingly,
A Shy Boy


LOL, you're such a wimp. Sorry mate, if you're only shy toward girls, what you are actually suffering from is love shyness. It can cripple your social life and I'm glad that you did the right thing for seeking help at here because you've shown a will to overcome your chronic shyness.

First thing first, be yourself. Gather all the courage you have and make a move. Do not fear rejection because you have nothing to lose, except, well, maybe, virginity? When you're making a move, you don't need to get weird or feeling awkward about it. Talk to her with confidence. Your pick-up line doesn't have to be Steve Martin funny. An ordinary wit shall be fine. Don't wait too long, ok? Just get past your shyness and work into flirting with her. If she reciprocates, that's a good sign.

The car is in the driveway.

You have the keys.

Full tank of petrol.

You know very well that the car will run.

All you need to do?

Turn on the car.

Don't over think it when there's nothing to think about. 

Don't stress yourself. Just be confidence and just play the game. Don't play to win, just play

 

Do nothing?