Saturday, May 14, 2011

Best disciplinary actions against Malaysian school bullies

Done watching the video? There's nothing new in school bully issue really. But this video which was released a week ago has caused enough shitstorm because the schoolgirl bullies in the video were only given a suspension for.... 14 days. The public find it surprising that those bullies could get away with mild punishment. And here goes my ranting: SERIOUSLY??? WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??? Since when our public schools were turned into pussy landfill?? Where's the good old spanking and caning that has proven to be the most effective way to straighten kids up? 

No wait, why are the teachers and parents nowadays afraid to whack their children around? Back in my schooling days, whenever I screwed up, my parents or my teachers weren't hesitate to take a feather brush and beat me in the ass. It was always a swift move. We never had a conversation about it. They never gave a lecture of "so, did you learn lesson?". The only lesson they gave was the bloody magenta injury marks on my butt cheeks or hand palms. Also, unlike those headline bullies,  I've never once been grounded or suspended in my life. What's the point? giving them a 2-week holidays so that they can spend the time watching rubbish idol dramas, listening K-pop or playing video games? Great idea, why don't we send them to a psychiatrist while you're at it so they can pull some disorder out of their sweet virgin asses to hide the fact that we're a bad parent/teacher?

Like the days in yore, kids or teens today need to be beaten now and then. If we don't beat our kids when they fall out of line, the next thing we'll know your son will go off and pull some "Texas chili bowl" (It involves Tabasco sauce, a telephone, and the anus) off some boy just out of spite. You tell them to buy some eggs and if they refuse, you just punch them in the stomach; You tell them to come back home before 6 PM and if they don't, you just lock the gate and let them starve and sleep in the street the whole night. Don't listen to those assholes on TV with their bullshit hippy psycho babble that naughty kids need counseling sessions and we should give them a chance if they screwed up. Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle writing reports to make someone else rich.    

The problem with kids is that they think their opinions matter. By not beating your kids, they will think they are so big and can do whatever such as dying their hair blonde and have a butterfly tattoo above their ass line. Now, I'm not asking you to be  a complete rip-off of Asian Tiger Mom. In fact, she's way too pussy, yeah, she might be intimidating but she's not fearsome enough to command fear on her kids.  

My parents meant more serious business than her

So, I'm listing the disciplinary techniques that were passed on from my forefathers and have had been applied onto me for your convenience, especially to the failed parents of those school bitches in the video whom definitely are inept in child bearing (hint: you may want to even print this list and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here goes:

High Five: You have a pair of hands and please apply your parental wisdom to it. Just straighten and keep your four fingers firm together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Aim at your kid’s face and slap on it. Make sure that it is your finger joints that are landing on his face otherwise your palm may get a stinging effect. This is important because you don't want to risk letting your kid think you're a pussy.

High Five

The rising sun: Just ask the question "hey look, you dropped something on the floor?" and when they look down, bust their lip with your knee. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of.

Rotan, or so called “cane” in English: this is as effective as “High Five” and it was used in the olden days to discipline naughty brats. Furthermore, it is good for general beating, doesn’t hurt your hand and works good enough to send the message.

Cane, or so called "Rotan" in Malay.

The one-two shut-the-hell-up: This can be useful when your kid is making childish demands like asking for allowance raise or insulin shots. First smack your kid (the high five or rotan will work). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

Double the beating. Twice the faster lesson learnt.

The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe: If you do your job as a parent/teacher, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (i.e. any time your kid blurts out a sentence with "I might be pregnant…" or "I can _____ if I want to..." where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, clubbing, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up.

Hardcore punishment for hardcore crimes.

The skull thump: this is how my father taught me math whenever I couldn’t solve an algebraic equation or a trigonometry. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child top of the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she is too slow in learning. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which.

Trust me, this will come very handy when dealing with domestic problems.

The porcelain bowl intercept: if you’re too old to chase your kid around the house, grab some china bowls in the kitchen and throwing all of it at your kid. This can break his head just to let him know who the boss in the house is.

There you have it. These are the basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to at least finish the secondary education and go to college. Remember: never take shit from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. Like my parents used to say to me: “If you don't like it, you can move out.


  1. Work and study and 'cheap' margarita? What else do u not do? I like the Batman and Robin slapping haha.. very funny. Did u see my Ipad 2 by the way :P

  2. you're a pathetic asshole!

  3. Who's more asshole? A blogger who has the guts to show how pathetic is Malaysia's education system or an internet lurker who hides behind anonymous ID and calling people asshole?

    Badass, I am; Asshole, you are.