Saturday, April 30, 2011

Car Mods Enthusiasts: You’re Still Driving a Shitty Proton Car, Not a Race Car

When I’m driving on the road or just strolling down the neighborhood, there’s always a sight that can make my head feels like it is made entirely of smoke alarms---modified cars. Car modification is just like girls wearing makeup, because they feel they look shitty (some are in fact) in the eyes of beholders, they have this alarming sense of insecurity and feel like they require a heavy makeup/body-kit as thick as concrete just to cover up their blemish-riddance defective appearance/quality. As for cars, it always troubles me that why people are so obsessed with making their cars look faster than really are. The worst offenders are national car owners, particularly Proton owners. All the cars made by Proton itself are ugly and run no faster than a concrete mixing truck. So, some of the Proton owners would go all out and buy new rims, tint their windows, changing to a larger exhaust, adding spoilers, paint stripes on their cars…. For what? You should know Proton is a shitty car before you even bought it, so live with it. What's the point of dumping all this cash into modifications when it won't significantly change the performance of your vehicle?

Having any national car (Proton/Perodua) modified is like having Carrot Top in a botched plastic surgery: It looked like shit before, but now it looks like big splatter of massive diarrhea.

"Autobots, transform and roll out!"....NOT. More like a transformer got hit by a stroke then coma while transforming. This abomination is more than shits the eye.

It’s ironic that with all the money that these morons dump into modification, they could have saved up big bucks and bought a real Gran Turismo in a couple of years instead of pretending like they driving one now. These retards should realize that no matter how big your spoiler is, how cool your rims look, how much noise your muffler makes. YOU STILL DRIVE A LOUSY CAR; my angst is also extended to those numbskulls who installed hefty car AV system, I mean, what’s the point?? Don’t you have a house where you can place your home theater system and limit your bollock music just to yourself? Oh, I get it, you spent all the money that is supposed to pay your rent to modify your rubbish car. You got nowhere to live but to sleep in car’s cushion and crying in the night listening to some fucktard European disco music. STOP JAMMING WITH YOUR CAR’S STEREO BECAUSE NOBODY GIVES A SHITE. Do some good for the community, ass wipe, use your fucking AV, swing around the neighborhood and tell the whole world you’re collecting old newspaper and old mattresses for a living. Scum.

VRRRROOOMMMM.... honk honk honk! Make way please! Shitmobile is coming to town! I would rather slit my throat than embarrassing myself sitting in this giant pile of metal shit. 
An efficient way to spread gospels around the town: fuck your car up with this stereo, start driving and spread the message of love. 

There was a time I pulled up next to a butthole driving a modified Proton when the traffic light was red. While the light was still red, he started revving up his engine and roll back and forth, great, this was some punk that thinks the gas is cheaper than a bottle of mineral water and trying to warm the planet all by himself. I glanced at his car, glanced at him, rolled my eyes, cracked a grin and turned back to the road. This pissed off the driver and as soon as the light turned green, he went Speed Racer. Way to go jerkweed, what was he trying to prove?

A) That his car is so fast and powerful, that he can beat people who aren’t even racing him.
B) That his car is installed with a jet spoiler and enlarged exhaust, which enabled his car to break the barrier of sound when he stepped on the pedal once the light turns green?
C) Those body paint on his car make it looks sharper and hides the fact it is a revolting Proton Satria.
D) He’s an asshole.

Again, what's the point?

Why didn’t I rev up and race him? Because I’m driving a Proton also, it’s not a racing car and I know it. I could pretend it’s a Ferrari and abuse it with massive modification overhaul. I could put some diffusers at the front and back of my car and pretend they could significantly improve the aerodynamic properties of my car or whatever the hell they could accomplish. But I don’t, why? It’s like pretending my left hand can shape into a mold of tight female vagina, which gives me a good fuck and I can brag to whole world that I bang virgins for fun. Get some reality check, car mods, quit pretending and just drive your car like normal people to school or work. Watching people racing in Protons is like watching people racing in children bicycles (with training wheels). Maybe the competition is there, but it’s anti-climactic, like  watching two old people having sex in the bed.

She never cheats and always there to satisfy my sexual urge whenever I feel convenient.  Oh wait, I'm having the same mindfuck like those car mod-retards. LOLOLOL!!

So what’s the point of having a very fast car anyway? Where do you find ample of space to speed your car in Malaysia? It’s traffic jam all the time on all the roads in the major cities of Malaysia. Even if you’re driving in suburban, there are speed bumps literally all over everywhere and they are so high that it can tear your front diffuser down anyway. Also, if your car can go more than 150 Km/h, you have to break the law to do so. Way to go dipshit, you spent your life savings on something you can't use. Worthless.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Thanks for pissing me, fuck you very much.

I'm mad. I feel like want to punch somebody in the nuts/ovaries. My day is always a fragile one, it is easily ruined by stupid trivial things. I have zero tolerance towards stupidity. Why God created stupid people at first place? Wait, there is a God? That's a dumb question. But why? Why the coffee machine has to break down? Why the coffee machine was spilling oil? Why the coffee machine is no longer leased and got to be returned?? Argh, fuck you. Speaking of ruined days, here are some of the things that ruin mine:
  • Justin Bieber
  • Rebecca Black (heard it in a KFC today, I slapped the manager's face with a tray)
  • Waking up to both douchebags above on radio
  • Going into work early.
  • Going into work late.
  • Going into work period.
  • Customer's complaint (bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch...)
  • Lunch hour is only one hour. 
  • Women, old people and P license driving slow on the fast lane.
  • Traffic jam at Federal Highway.
  • Traffic jam at any highway, any intersections, any roundabouts and any emergency lanes (Ambulance stuck at there, good, at least the ill have to wait with me).
  • Stop signs, red lights, yellow lights, road bumps.
  • Hippies
  • People that are in good mood all the time
  • People updating idiotic status on Twitter or Facebook (who cares where you are dining or what shits you're chewing, oh yeah, go chew some shits.)
  • Colleagues passing around Pringles.
  • Better pay and bonus at other companies
  • Filing income tax

Now here are some things that can cheer me up:
  • Not going to work.
  • Not waking up.
  • Seeing someone run towards me in the elevator while I press the "CLOSE DOOR" button.
  • Pulling the door shut behind me when I see someone coming towards me with their hands full.
  • Not letting people merge into traffic.
  • Forcing people to take the wrong exit because I wouldn't let them change lanes.
  • Honking my horn at an intersection, then pretending like I don't know who honked just to confuse people.
  • Honk at the school buses that park in front of school compound.
  • Drive slowly at fast lane and don't bother to budge despite the butthole behind me is flashing the light
  • Spraying water towards dogs or cats.
  • Sit my ass in lazy chair and eat
  • Park into a parking spot where there isa person waiting for it before me and I'll give him a fuck yeah face.
  • Laughing at people who trip and fall
  • Beating up children. (Illustration provided as below)
  • Pissing people off with things that I mentioned above.
Can't wait to do this for fun

I think that's about it. Wait, there's more actually, I'm just too lazy to write anymore. As if anyone bothers. Hmm, if anyone is trespassing my domain at here, I'll annoy you with this:

Fuck, this ruins my mood again...

Friday, April 8, 2011

I Hate Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber is the dumbest thing since High School Musical. I fucking hate him, with a fucking passion, I'm so much emo when I hear that name or his stupid songs on radio. I wish I had a loud speaker and say this to him in his pussy face--"YOU HAVE NO TALENT WHATSOEVER". He got his fame just because some producer saw him on Youtube and thought "Hey, a somewhat good looking teenager who can not really sing but I can make him famous and make millions because girls will lose their minds over his looks, not his talent!". Do you know that there are a ton of bands out there that have lots of talent but aren't getting the exposure this kid is getting? Some of them would kill to be that famous, and they have the talent to be that famous, but no, little Justin Bieber is all over the place soaking up the spotlight. It's a giant ass marketing ploy cater to patronize young dumb bitches. It's ridiculous. 

Justin Bieber sings like there's a cold cucumber stuck up his ass and his balls stapled to his crotch, way to go to delay your puberty. I don't want to hear his music, I don't want to hear his bullshit. I don't even want to risk hearing it by accident on someone else's radio. Justin Bieber makes me SICK, what a sack of puke. 

I can't understand why anyone likes him, or his "music". I try to find reasons of his songs' popularity. First, I went to YouTube, whoa, bad decision, not only I have to endure listening to shitty music that is hurting my ears, but there are NO praising comments at all, I'm glad that there are 1,224,848 YouTube users whom share my enthusiasm of hating JB. Then, I tried to look around the rest of the internet, to my dismay, the center of the discussion is around the hate against JB and since the fanbase of JB is made out of prepubescent tweens and teens, the best reason they can come out of is "Justin Bieber is AMAZING. He has real talent, and hes adorable." Yeah,  dumb kids, go and learn how to spell and get your grammar right, ok?

Now, why i hate his music so much? I guess everyone has heard of "Baby" this shit already, this song sucks so much because of the tag-team-JB-and-Ludacris duo of shitty music (JB can't rap, so fans, you call that talented??), the forced and flat monotonous auto-tune (again), and its stupid fan base. Here's what JB fans have to say

"This song is so sad. i remeber getting my heart brokein for the first time it sucked. and i always wanted to be more then just friends. in this song he is begging for his love to be with him not to leave him because he cant go on with out her its truly a beautiful song.!"

Here's the chorus of the song:

"And I'm like, Baby, baby, baby ohh, Like, Baby, baby, baby noo, Like, Baby, baby, baby ohh, Thought you'd always be mine (mine)" 

And more poignant verse:

"I'm gone, Yeahh, yeah, yeah, Yeahh, yeahhh. Now I'm all gone, Yeahh, yeah, yeah, Yeahh, yeahhh"

Yeah, real "sad" and "heart broken", dipshit. Dumb kids must be blind when they failed to see in the MV that JB was flippin' his jacket, moonwalking, rubbing his crotch and squeezing his ass face to look emotional. Pussy.

The next stupid song is "Never say never", equally dumb as the movie "Karate Kid" as it was featured in. According to danchris2455, the song is:

"Encouraging profoundly!The beat is sick,the lyrics were intrepreted very well and her got to collaborate w/ the karate kid himself Jayden Smith.2 of the promising stars of tomorrow who will take us by a storm for sure.I had been patiently waiting for the Smith's offspring to be on d limelight.They were really impressive back in the days when their parnets introduce them tot he world.On Justin Bieber's pocodot' site,he dishes some of the fun stuffs they sgare w/ lovanle girlfriend Selena Gomez"

WTF is he supposed to mean? You're gargling the keyboard, learn to type and spell correctly, asshole.  I also hate assholes who don't space the word after a punctuation; What is so encouraging about that song??? How does it motivate me by listening to a teenage pussy yammering "never say never"?? What's motivating? THIS. God, these dumb kids have made FM radio unlistenable. I'd rather have my ears sawed off than listen to JB's shit.

What happens to boys nowadays? Aren't people self-conscious any more? What kind of message is he sending to people? "Hey, looking gay is the trend. LOLL~~~~"

Delete the word "manliness" from dictionary and kill me off already

From the way he sings and how late he is hitting puberty, he's likely no balls. It's beyond my fathom why girls would go crazy on a boy with hermaphrodite features? It's these pussies that keep flooding the media with shitty music and gay fashion that ruin everything. Girls used to like manly men like Gregory Peck, Paul Newman, Clint Eastwood, Brad Pitt, etc. Men like them are now extinct, girls like pussies who dress like gay, maybe one day in the future everyone would have gotten so sexually confused and ultimately lead to the extinction of human being. And speaking of sexually confusion, I always thought Ellen Page was hot until I saw these pictures...

Ellen Page is one of my many sexual fantasies...until a douche called Justin Bieber rose to his fame. If I had Ellen appeared in my wet dream, how do I know she is really Ellen in my wet dream? I didn't know it was Ellen who was giving me the fellatio, or a Justin Bieber who happens to look like Ellen giving me an oral? Whoa, I feel so fucked up, can somebody just kick me into limbo?

oh, did I forget to mention about his stupid hairstyle? The bob haircut looks stupid enough already on anyone's head, it looks even more retarded on JB. And you think JB's hair is trendy? Think again, pothead, The Beatles had done so in the 60's, JB is just recycling it and groomed like we're back into 60's. Oh, he's pretty dumb too I heard.

Whether or not this is scripted, this is the message music industry trying to tell you, being a dumb kid is cool.

As if mankind haven't suffered enough already, Malaysia is also importing Justin Bieber this coming April 21. Yeah, we're scared off artists wearing skimpy outfit, but dumb kid singing in live in this land is not our concern at all. Good job, stupid girls from Malaysia, giving away your monthly allowance to this douchebag, did you know how hard your parents earn that money??

Writing this post makes me sad enough already. I don't have any more time or patience to write this garbage anymore. Pissing off now.

PS: I so wish this to happen

Stupidometer for idiotic Justin Bieber fad: 10/10 (applicable to both music of Justin Bieber and his fans)

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Tabasco: Hot Sauce that Kicks Ass

I don't really like the pizza from Pizza Hut. However, they have one secret weapon in their outlets as saving grace--Tabasco sauce, it's a condiment acting like a magic wand that can transform a thick pastry pile of puke into mouth watering Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux. Tabasco sauce is a godsend from heaven, it turns shitty food into something palatable, then turns something palatable into bon vivant exotic meal. 

Behold [Insert solemn hymn here]... The Heavenly Sauce

Main ingredients of Tabasco are tabasco peppers, vinegar and salt. The peppers are mashed, mixed with salt and fermented in aged old wooden barrels for up to three years. Then, it is blended with vinegar and continue mixing and stirring for another month. The result? A kickass sauce that can be put on virtually anything edible. 

Here is what I suggest to putting Tabasco sauce on:


Tabasco goes with everything, and plenty of it. I bring my own Tabasco sauce whenever I can because the condiments served in almost all restaurants can suck Tabasco's ass. Ever dine in Chicken Rice Shop? The chili sauce tastes so watery and I hardly feel any spiciness in it. What about eating chicken rice at some random coffee shops? Even worse, in most cases, the chili sauce served isn't fresh, watery, not spicy, and worst scenario, recycled from the remaining leftover sauce used by previous customers. Really a sack of gross. Luckily, my Tabasco is always there for me, I LOVE YOU, TABASCO. MUACKSS~~

If you happen to be sharing a meal with a Tabasco hating pussy, do not be afraid to pour Tabasco on the meal. You have to be real stern with these type of people. You have to act real tough and manly around them so they feel intimidated, and it helps you feel better about yourself. If they start to bitch and moan about you being "too mean", tell them you're insecure about yourself, and that making fun of others makes you feel better. Then when they're feeling sympathy for you, strike again! Suckers.  

A community message from me: Not only does Tabasco kick ass, but it can also serve as alternative to pepper spray. Women, listen, whenever there's potential snatch thief/sexual predator, do not be hesitate to hurl your Tabasco sauce to their faces. It has spiciness of over 2500 SCU that can cause burning sensation to their eyes. Once they're suffering under the mighty awesome spiciness of Tabasco, don't let the Tabasco sauce go waste by gouging out their eyes and swallow it into your stomach with the joy of triumph over evil. Show those petty criminals that women can be manly with just a bottle of Tabasco in hands. 

Stupidometer for restaurants that don't serve Tabasco: 7/10 (It's just so much better than adding Ajinamoto, they just don't realize how awesome their food can taste with Tabasco despite it's cost)