Saturday, April 2, 2011

Tabasco: Hot Sauce that Kicks Ass

I don't really like the pizza from Pizza Hut. However, they have one secret weapon in their outlets as saving grace--Tabasco sauce, it's a condiment acting like a magic wand that can transform a thick pastry pile of puke into mouth watering Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux. Tabasco sauce is a godsend from heaven, it turns shitty food into something palatable, then turns something palatable into bon vivant exotic meal. 

Behold [Insert solemn hymn here]... The Heavenly Sauce

Main ingredients of Tabasco are tabasco peppers, vinegar and salt. The peppers are mashed, mixed with salt and fermented in aged old wooden barrels for up to three years. Then, it is blended with vinegar and continue mixing and stirring for another month. The result? A kickass sauce that can be put on virtually anything edible. 

Here is what I suggest to putting Tabasco sauce on:


Tabasco goes with everything, and plenty of it. I bring my own Tabasco sauce whenever I can because the condiments served in almost all restaurants can suck Tabasco's ass. Ever dine in Chicken Rice Shop? The chili sauce tastes so watery and I hardly feel any spiciness in it. What about eating chicken rice at some random coffee shops? Even worse, in most cases, the chili sauce served isn't fresh, watery, not spicy, and worst scenario, recycled from the remaining leftover sauce used by previous customers. Really a sack of gross. Luckily, my Tabasco is always there for me, I LOVE YOU, TABASCO. MUACKSS~~

If you happen to be sharing a meal with a Tabasco hating pussy, do not be afraid to pour Tabasco on the meal. You have to be real stern with these type of people. You have to act real tough and manly around them so they feel intimidated, and it helps you feel better about yourself. If they start to bitch and moan about you being "too mean", tell them you're insecure about yourself, and that making fun of others makes you feel better. Then when they're feeling sympathy for you, strike again! Suckers.  

A community message from me: Not only does Tabasco kick ass, but it can also serve as alternative to pepper spray. Women, listen, whenever there's potential snatch thief/sexual predator, do not be hesitate to hurl your Tabasco sauce to their faces. It has spiciness of over 2500 SCU that can cause burning sensation to their eyes. Once they're suffering under the mighty awesome spiciness of Tabasco, don't let the Tabasco sauce go waste by gouging out their eyes and swallow it into your stomach with the joy of triumph over evil. Show those petty criminals that women can be manly with just a bottle of Tabasco in hands. 

Stupidometer for restaurants that don't serve Tabasco: 7/10 (It's just so much better than adding Ajinamoto, they just don't realize how awesome their food can taste with Tabasco despite it's cost)

1 comment:

  1. tabasco sauce, its always there in the fridge, try sambal belacan, you will drop dead for the spicy taste.